Kakalimutan na kita.

My mother packed my old things in a box in her efforts to keep our place tidy, and it appeared as if I was moving out of the house. Being the bully sibling that he is, my brother (okay, and I) took advantage of the pretense and played a petty joke on Tatin, our 6-year old sister. We told her that I was leaving for good. I gave her my last-minute instructions and bid her goodbye. She was silent the whole time I was staging my drama but the moment she spoke up, I was stunned. I was counting on my memory to recall what defense mechanism she’s demonstrating, but my imagination was more potent and I just burst into tears. I’m not sure she understood what she had said. If, God forbid, something like that happens for real… O, great – scratch that.  (T.T)

I just know I won’t play the same joke ever again.

Post script: I’m hoping it’s reaction formation. O, please.

Toothless Milestone I

Justine and I were waiting at the counter, having a short talk about her field trip while the internet shop kid was printing the pictures for my sister’s project. As excited as I was for her as she rambled about the number of stair steps that they had climbed during their visit to People’s Park in the Sky in Tagaytay, her flashy smile continued to nag at me, making me feel uneasy about something I could not pinpoint. Something was off, I just can’t lay my finger on it. The last string of my selective attention broke off and I went down on my knees, curiously cuddled my sister’s face with my two hands and said, “Tatin, labas nga ipin.

There it was. Maybe I’ve noticed it twice or thrice before but I had never really given it much thought. This time, it was way too obvious for another cold shoulder. Her two lower incisors stood out, friendless – towering next to the growing spaces isolating them from the rest of the neighborhood. Her teeth used to be as tight as a typical Filipino family (can’t help comparing) but right now, it’s as if they were having a dispute over bequeathed properties (for the sake of consistency). I took a closer look. It was then that I noticed two new teeth trying to break in behind the two outcasts. Neglecting all principles of sanitation, I gently pushed one of the two prodigal children (seriously, enough of the metaphor) with my pinky. I was ecstatic when it moved. Because I tend to imagine things sometimes, I gave it another light nudge to make sure.

It swayed.

I laughed.

I can’t imagine how weird we had appeared, two sisters – one opening her mouth wide open, the other bizarrely poking at it. I was too elated to care. My sister is indeed growing up and this is a major checkpoint, or so says the motherly me. I can’t help but giggle at the thought. My sister, in embarrassment, shut her mouth tight and refused to open it again.

Holding the printed pictures, I held her hand and we walked home. With all forms of bribery in my head, I told her, “Patingin ako ulit mamaya tas bukas, pupunta tayong dentist.


2012-12-06 22.03.04

Bad Her, Bad Me

A swift heave of thoughts and feelings
Sentiments of my very own being
A way of living that shook my heart
Sullen and dark, my soul is aghast

Tongue as barbed and fatal as a razor
Words that could kill, never said as a favor
How could she be so hard and unkind
To love she is asked of, she seems deaf and so blind
Not to bark at a tree or cast the first stone
I confess the same sin and I do feel remorse
It does pain me to see how she alienates all
Unaware of the verity of her being alone

Call her and she wouldn’t pay an eye
Ask her and she has not a qualm to lie
Touch her and she would brush (you) off
Hold her and she wouldn’t mind to loft

The surge of emotion triggers hyperbole
As flawed as human sometimes go astray
I do recognize the humane love inside
That surreptitiously, she is trying to hide

One thing I’m wishing is for her to see
The ardor I have (for her) on fire right in me
I’m wanting to stake all my feelings for her
If only she tries in my eyes to stare
A woman whose nature is to care and to tend
To her spawn whose been dying just for her to mend
All the wounds in the heart that she had bequeathed
I pray in heaven this aches may be rested

A swift heave of thoughts and feelings
Sentiments of my very own being
A way of living that shook my heart
Sullen and dark, my soul is aghast

O dear, I love you, if only you know
Don’t turn me away, with you let me grow
With us your family, it’s never late to change
When you do, our love will never be in vain
Pardon me for the bad things I can’t help but say
What happened before this was more than I could take
Touched the part (of me) that is too much in pain

Now it’s over, I had let it out
Bailed out the anger and cleared off the spout
Let’s start afresh and begin anew
Keep this in mind, Mama, I love you.

I was just mad.. Let the words capture it all.. May it be kept locked within.