Cyber Library


I have seven open PDF documents and five browser tabs on my desktop, each one of them I’ve been trying to peruse for hours just so I’d have something to present in our class tomorrow.

I wonder how medical students half a century ago did their version of such research.

(Oh, I won’t go too far, I wonder, and sincerely at that, how Doc Es prepared for seminar reports when he was a student.) 😀

Just ranting.

Reading Berne and Levy offends my eyes;
Reading Snell offends my memory;
Reading Harper’s is just downright offensive at all levels.

It doesn’t help that I have to do all these readings while my younger siblings are enjoying the luxury of justified indolence. Lame.

On a positive note, I really have to catch up and these holidays offer the badly needed time, well, provided I turn down the perpetually tempting Grey’s Anatomy DVDs and 2Fuse. So much for the best of both worlds.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to me.


I’ve just turned 25 today.

First thing I realized when the clock hit midnight: Things would have been different had I not taken a 4-year rest after college.

At this age, I was supposed to be in my post-grad medical internship. One boards away from being a young hot doctor with sparkly quarter-life sneer, curly hair, and white coat flapping against the wind.

Someone please remind me to lower my expectations later in life.

Instead, I am in my first year, confused with Cori and Cahill, and still squirming my way out of adjustment phase (plus the  unnecessary thoughts on being a high-risk primigravida by the end of residency).

Late bloomers’ club

O well, we can’t turn back the time, can we? So, scratch the thought. And besides, the hiatus  has its own advantages:

  1. Gained me the financial aid needed to kick start my medical education;
  2. Inspired my very Ms. Universe-ish responses during the pre-admission interview (to the line of age is just a number);
  3. Busted my wits trying not to be a bum so that I could have no. 1 (Nurses aren’t the most easily employed professionals at that time);
  4. Gave me a taste of monetary compensation for hard work (Ah, old times…and the Christmas bonus);
  5. Instilled in me that despite no. 4, money  is not everything;
  6. Showed me that there’s more to punctuality and responsibility than class attendance;
  7. Shocked me with how not everyone is of the same age as I was, hence no. 8;
  8. Taught me that social skills go beyond group assignments and recess;
  9. Made me realize that age does not readily translate to maturity and vice versa, which leads back to no. 7;
  10. Evaluated and reinforced my virtues;
  11. I can go on…but an optimum list should not exceed 10 items, I think. 🙂

Had I not spent the past years learning matters that a classroom can’t teach, I could now be a number of things: a medical school drop-out who never learned to appreciate the chance given to me, a job hopper who never understood where my heart really lies, or a recklessly shallow intern who cares about nothing but earning my MD at 25.

See? If not for the 4-year gap between college and medschool, things would have been really different. 🙂

Christmas ’13

Dear Jesus,

It’s Christmas.

I’m reading Berne and Levy – or at least I’m trying. Pardon me if I didn’t spare your special day.

This time last year, I had nothing but uncertainty. Today, I have a fighting chance, hence the reading.

Thank you for last year’s Christmas gift.

I’m sure you know what’s on my list for this year.

PS: I’ve been a nice kid. 🙂

Happy Birthday!

Lots of love,


Whatever happened to having multiple choices?

One classic sign of ineffective review is when I get to recall bits and pieces of what I had read the previous day but not well enough to bring them together into one cohesive concept.

I was half an hour early for the test schedule, just enough time to hear disturbing muscle names and articulations that I have read the night before. Jomel Santander, a classmate, mentioned AFA, and I – at the back of my mind –  immediately followed through with AFAQ Lung. It was good that I remembered my own mnemonics; the downside was that I could not even name what the letters were for. First thing in mind: “Don’t fret. Multiple choice. Babalik lahat yan pag nadaanan ng mata mo.” I badly wanted to check my transes and find that missing thought but Doktora Maiksi ang Buhok suddenly came in asking us to put all our things in the nearby table. She started out with, “Kapag sinabing 9 ang start ng test, kahit hindi pa kayo settled, tumatakbo na ang oras.” Afraid of losing the second precious thing next to our brains, we scrambled to the corner, hurriedly piled up our stuff, and settled to unassigned seats.

 Doc Es came in with the answer sheets. With his classic flat affect, he distributed the papers one by one. I feel the need to mention that it was a bit painful to watch for some reason. Half of our class, including myself, started with the laboratory exam. The rest begun with the lecture part. It was a long march from the Physio Lab to the Anatomy Lab. I was dragging each step down the stairs. I was too  anxious to even notice the familiar stench of formalin.

22 stations:  7 cadavers, 2 vacant seats, 6 stations with 2 bone structures each.  We had 45 seconds to identify – or should I say, guess – each pinned structure. Kuya Jun had an alarm clock of some sort which would signal when to move to the next station. I was jumpy; each krrrrrring sounded louder than the first. Each structure appeared more disorienting as we moved along. More than ten times, I wanted to throw my writing board against the wall, hoping it would help me spill out the answers that were stuck at the tip of my tongue. It was a nagging feeling. I had brushed through those muscles, nerves, and processes. Maybe I just didn’t mention them often enough or stared at them long enough during my review, but deep down at the back of my head, I once knew what they were. There was one item in particular that defined my entire day. It was a bone structure at the last station. It was a basic structure, a give away – a bonus point if I may use the term, and yet, there I was, remembering only the first letter, the accurate answer still a few neurons away.

“M… Mandibulum? No. Mandible? Never. M… M… Nag-aarticulate sa clavicle. Acromion? Hindi. Lateral side yun, sa medial side dapat, sa side ng sternum. Xiphoid? Nope. Yung superior end. M nga e……”  


We had to submit our papers.

We were a few steps from Doc Es when Kenan Cinco, a classmate, checked and raised his paper at an angle that showed me his answers. It’s one thing to be tempted. It’s another thing to actually go and write down what I had seen. Both were not my concern. Why? I didn’t have my eyeglasses on. His answers were no more than a blur to me. How I thank God for not letting me fall into such pit. I handed over my paper and accepted defeat. More than the one point that I lost, it was the irksome so-near-yet-so-far feeling that gnawed on me.

At one point during the lecture part which was given right after the practicals, I had to consciously shy away from cursing out loud. With one finger at a point midway my chest and neck, I stared at Question no. 14: Where is the location of the jugular notch?

Two of the choices read:

…of the Manubrium.



A sticky note in cyberspace…

July 16, 2013
12:55 AM

Yes, I am struggling. Uncertainties are all over the place, may it be exam results, unfinished school output, overdue appointments, and God knows what else. It’s been a month and a half of what felt like a year of tough times.

I just want to keep myself reminded that this is just the beginning; and that someday, all these would be worth looking back.

Separation Anxiety, or something close to that…

One of my dearest college classmates is probably up in the air right now, flying her way to greener pasture. Johnnette Bedonia is one of the few friends that I have managed to keep in touch with post-acad, maybe not everyday, but regularly. I can’t help but be sentimental about her leaving. There is this gnawing feeling that strikes familiar to me and I have busted my wits trying to lay my finger on it. Don’t get me wrong; I couldn’t be any happier for her. I’m sure that she’d do great out there. If not for this inane and bothersome sentiment, I could be jumping and hopping here and there in celebration of her feat. Communication is the least of my worries, thanks to social media, web calls, and all other advances that the world did not have quarter of a century back. Physical absence? I don’t think so–the last time I saw her was almost two years ago. Besides, experiencing first hand how fast time flies nowadays (for me at least), she’ll be back in no time. Envy? No, not even the friendly kind, if ever such exists. I have chosen to embark on a different path that leaves me not wanting to take the same fate as most nurses, not anytime soon.

So, what could be the cause of all these slushy sentiments that have kept me from being productive for the past hours?

Beats me. It’s one cliffhanger that I’ll have to figure out sooner or later. 

In the meantime, I just want to wish my friend a safe trip. Bon voyage, Johnny! (Size 9 ako. LOL)

PS: Sentiments, sentiments, sentiments, as if three is not too much. I just can’t get enough of it.

Ang pagdadalaga kuno…


Disclaimer: I haven’t slept for 26 hours. This post is written by a meta-drunk person who have just lost her battle against excessive caffeine. This is a pretty revealing write up that I sincerely hope won’t catch the eye of anyone, particularly those whose name I have included in the list. Me doing this just goes to show how insanely bored I can be at times. I originally wanted to show this to a friend, but lo and behold, I have just found an alternative place for its “safe-keeping.”

What’s with these names? These are the people that had given me sleepless nights and purposeless smiles at certain points in my life – the earliest was during my freshman year in high school.

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